Saturday, December 16, 2017

An Island Birth

*Whew* five weeks have gone by fast. We've had our game faces on recovering, cleaning, adjusting, trying to sleep and smooch on our babes. Adjusting to farm style family life is a full time job, and it's A LOT more work then we anticipated, but we're here and we are working hard to make it happen. There's much more involved in the short five weeks we have grown this family but that can be saved for another time. For now, let's just enjoy the story of the most perfect dream birth I was able to experience as my beautiful island boy came earth side.

I originally wrote this right after the birth, so I'm going to leave it as is, when I was in total newborn bliss.


















It's been four days since our family grew to four. I've been at our cabin resting and healing and soaking up all the newborn sweetness I can before the chaos settles in. Blake has been off work at the cafe, though always doing farm work, and has been keeping us fed and healthy, while having good bonding time with Kingston as they harvest and work together. We're slowly working out a new routine, until it all switches up again.

Right now it is Sunday afternoon, both boys are sleeping, Blake is finally taking some down time and I'm going to try to write out this whirlwind of a birth story. The rain comes and goes during the day along with the sunshine. Right now it is quiet and dark. The coquis frogs are chirping and the birds are talking. We took a little walk to the laundry room and got a few sun rays on us. We've been talking names today...

On Tuesday night I knew I was having contractions, but they weren't severe enough or close together so I slept through them. When we were up around 7am I started timing them, knowing they were consistent. I hung with King at the cabin, waiting for Blake to come back from the kitchen. I kept timing them and notified our midwife, Jackie, that I felt it would be today. She said good, and to keep her updated. I waddled down through two contractions to the kitchen to tell Blake. He was surprised and excited. He gave me a bowl of gardenias he had picked and was going to get the pots for boiling water for the tub. I waddled back up to the cabin and smelt those gardenias every step. I cleaned up a little and folded some laundry (that eventually got ignored for the next two days.) We have our cabin next to another small office space that I was able to claim for my birthing room. I have been nesting and prepping for this birth by making that space a calm, loving and organized environment so I would feel taken care of during my labor and delivery. Everything about that room, the pretty tapestry, greens I had picked, lighting, baby things, my birth affirmations, the birth kit and supplies set up, and the sunshine through the screened in windows was perfect in those last moments. I read and re-read my affirmations as they hung over the window. I watched a show on my iPad as I sank into the warm water in the new horse trough we had got and brought in that morning. My essential oil blends I made specifically for this time were on the window sill. I took a picture of the tub and notified family we were filling it. My phone was charged and ticking away, timing my contractions. They were close together but around 30 seconds long. I guess I was waiting for them to be longer before my mind told me to rush everyone. I told my friend Alexa we weren't in a rush, but to come soon. She was my girl for things we needed in the kitchen or hanging with King. We weren't sure if he or I would want him there in those birthing moments. At some point Blake came and got Kingston and took him to the kitchen to prep more things. The guys had harvested, drained and scooped out coconuts for me to have. Blake came up to pour more boiling water in the tub one last time, then headed back down. 

The hot water was so perfect, and the contractions became harder and more intense. One of the ladies from the midwife's office called asking how I was. I could barely manage to tell her. She said they were on their way. I went outside to go to the bathroom when it had hit me that I might be having this baby on a bucket, outside, in the jungle alone. Blake and Kingston came around the corner just then with the sweetest smiles but so unaware of what was happening it was ((almost)) funny. Through some gritty tears I told Blake this was it and made it into the tub. He didn't know what to do before I told him I couldn't make those decisions anymore and was taken over by my body telling me to push. He got Jackie on the phone and over speaker, in the car on the highway to us, she talked us through what was going to happen next, that we were going to have this baby without her and that we could do it. There was a second where we could have panicked but honestly I didn't care, I knew I could do it and we would be ok. What I was more afraid of was the pushing lasting much longer because it was so powerful and I knew I would be depleted soon. I remember Blake asked if I wanted coconut and I was so ready for some nutrition at that point, but there was no time... 

With Kingston at the edge of the tub, telling me, "it's ok, Mama, I'm here, it'll be ok" and Blake talking it through with Jackie on the phone and telling me I got this, that I am strong enough, the baby will slide out, I managed two pushes. Then Jackie asked me to feel for the head. I felt the hair and with the next  push, half the head came through. This part was the worst as I had to wait there for the next contraction. On my knees in the water I pushed his head out and and my water broke. I grunted to get the rest of him out but Jackie knew what I was doing and told me to wait for the next one, to let my uterus do its thing. In that moment I felt the head, ears and neck as I waited for my body to take over. Between these contractions everything quieted, I looked at Blake and breathed. The next one came in fierce and he twisted and came out in the water. I rolled him over in my hands and brought him up to my chest. Crying and laughing and kissing, Blake and I were in awe that just happened. He suctioned the airways out as I managed to get out a cry to know baby was breathing. Blake looked and said "it's a boy" with a big smile right in my ears, it was a sweet moment to finally find out who had been growing in me for so long. Jackie ran in, sliding on her knees, with a huge grin, "you did it!" 

We laughed a little with the rush of adrenaline and shock and celebration and then got right into the next part of it all. Blake and King cut the cord. Then Alexa took King to town for dinner and the park. Blake managed skin to skin with him while I got taken care of and settled into the rest of the afternoon. We called family and then finished a movie (when King is away you soak up any adulting) and then reflected on the day. Alexa and King came back and we got to decompress and discuss things with him. He was wild and not sure, but that's expected. I'm so proud of how he was there for me and I don't remember him loosing his cool at all. He felt so old and wise in those moments.

Since then King has been nothing but gentle and sweet to baby brother. He's still wild when baby isn't in his line of sight, but I'm so thankful King has been so sweet. He's loving having jobs with Blake around the farm during the last few days. Having a home birth definantly is the way to go, but it does mean there's LOTS to clean up right from the first day. I knew from having Kingston at home, in a house with an attached bath, washer and dryer, and Grandma and Grandpa, that it was a lot of work for Blake to be the one to be on clean up, food, and emotional support duty. But now we are a little off grid, living in a community of young workers, on a farm with no family around. We have one community washing machine and a compost toilet near our community kitchen. We have managed with a bathroom bucket for me, a cooler for snacks and loads of laundry washed and hung dry during the last three rainy days. Friends have stopped by with some food and goodies we needed. Blake's working so hard to be there for me and to also be there for the farm, all while cleaning up, navigating Kingston, and harvesting, prepping and delivering my food. I'm so thankful for his hard work and his dedication to this lifestyle amd this family and his strength in knowing we could handle this kind of birth. 

Two will be hard. But before those days really settle in I am able to heal and bond with my baby. I can't  believe my dream birth happened and we are all safe and taken care of. I am so in awe of the power baby had to be here and the power I now know I have to get through. I also am so thankful for the friends we've made here who've encouraged us and allowed us to be our true selves. The community we have found has been there for us when we needed and are understanding when times are changing. Being away from our family during this is hard and we don't mean to keep these precious moments from them. I'm thankful for technology these days, that's for sure! King thinks every phone call is FaceTime and wants to show the phone around the kitchen and farm. He takes Grandma on the swing and Uncle Tony on pretend tractor rides. The will be challenges we will face with this growing family on our own, but we have friends here who are willing to help out, and family and friends at home who are always there for us to lean on. 

By now, finishing this, it's a beautiful Monday morning and we have soaked up some sunshine, given baby a bath, given King fifty things to do already, scrubbed the front porch, and cleaned up around our cabin (which is never ending, good thing we don't have more space!)

I'm feeling great, except for some stitches healing and being up most of the night, but it is my greatest joy to go through birth and newborn exhaustion days in order to have these two boys to learn and grow from. I'm beyond blessed at the outcome of this pregnancy and delivery and so proud of my little family for staying strong and encouraging through it all. 





Five weeks after this amazing day, we have been through a lot, as most of you know. I don't always mean to not share the hard times, the confusing trials, and the tough days, but for the most part I like to remember the good times as I look back at the memories I share via social media and this blog. Real life has hit me harder during this time then ever before. I know that has a lot to do with the fact that two pieces of my heart are outside of my body, given to the world to mold and shape them. It has a lot to do with parenting with a lover who sees things differently not only from the majority of our family and friends but also from me at times. It has a lot to do with living on a farm where every day tasks are much harder and drawn out, making sure our intentions are very specific for living this way. It has a lot to do with my emotions as I navigate post partum. It has a lot to do with the scary journey  we just took to find out why our newborn was sick, and how to help him with the recourses we have. It has a lot to do with that I still feel very much like a new parent, to this newborn and to my ever evolving and boundary pushing, smart and absorbent toddler. As reality has set in this last month, I look back at this birth with such thankfulness and amazement. It reminds me of the love my family has for me. It reminds me of the strength and determination I have in myself. It reminds me of the love the island gave me in enjoying the way Reign came earthside. Today, as I sit with my two boys at the cafĂ©, and Blake makes us lunch, and I just want to cry because even coming to town has it's trials at every corner, I needed to reread what I wrote when we were so close to that magical morning. And to be thankful for everything that has come my way, not only in this last year, but with all the choices we have made so far, right or wrong, easy or hard. 





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