Dream Big Ride Far: November 2015

As your bones & dead lawn are telling you, & with the blizzard we just got, the seasons have changed. Autumn doesn't last long on this side of the mountains for us. But when it shows up for its fifteen minutes of fame it's beautiful & crisp. Fall has always been a great reminder to start packing up the shorts & start settling into a season of calm days & hearty meals. I love how with seasons changing, we also change.

As soon as the first snow hits the cold ground we start preparing for the holidays. In the last few years my holidays have been turned upside down. Not only was I away from my family & younger siblings for a few years, but my parents have divorced. Last year was the first year I experienced separated holidays. I have mixed feelings about what the holidays bring.

With Blake's family everything feels normal with little kids running around & uncles & aunts & grandparents all talking at once & needing their five'o'clock beverages. We are lucky to watch a marriage survive the chaos of life & even luckier to have family who is close & eats holiday meals together.

My siblings & I have always remained close. Even through my moving & the divorce we remain one another's strongest supporters. I love both of my parents & only want them to be happy, whatever paths they need to take in this life. But juggling who has the kids which week & who won't "get Christmas next year" is all too overwhelming for me. There seems to be pressure put on us to make each parents' holidays go smoothly for them, because who knows what next year will bring. My parents are both children of divorce so they understand what we must be seeing & feeling. We grew up driving all around Colorado to visit aunts & uncles & grandparents. For a while it was great to have at least three Christmas' every year. But after a while, as time can pull families apart, it's become a little more hurtful around the holidays. Being an adult in a newly separated family is rough. I'm not sure if I over-analyze the situations or am seeing love for one reality it could be, but it's hard on me.

The good news is things are ever changing! Seasons come & go. As time moves on we will get used to our new version of holidays. My brother is in his freshman year of college in Santa Fe, NM, which will add a new dynamic for us siblings. My other brother has a serious girlfriend with a son who is good friends with my little sister, and this adds more kids & more love to our family. Each of my parents now have the opportunity to do the holidays how they wish. I now have my own little family with Blake & Kingston. Blake lost his grandma this year & we will be missing her laughs during the holiday visits. Kingston has his cousins to grow up with & a new cousin, Ivy Sage, whose so close in age that experiencing these moments & holidays together will hopefully enable them to be great friends throughout their lives. We are still staying with Blake's parents which means Kingston gets lots of grandparent time! Maybe this year I can help decorate for the holidays ((wherein our years away didn't call for too much decorating.))

As life moves forward & years pass I'm learning there is more opportunity for hurt & indiffernces. But there is equally if not more opportunity for growth & forgiveness. And with the pain & grief of loss, there is also overflowing joy in new life.

You don't get to choose your family, but I think God knows what he's doing when he places you there. And I am grateful for all of my family, whether it's my related family or my in-relationship family, or my friends in other states family. This Thanksgiving I'm thankful for being home ((even if it's too cold & long for us,)) for a warm home to have & raise my baby in, for full bellies of delicious & nutritious meals & for the opportunity to get our feet under us after living a few years of adventures & making memories.

Cheers to the Holidays, family & staying warm!