An Island Pregnancy

When I left Colorado to seek out an island life with my lover and son, I had not quite dreamt of a future pregnancy. I was trying to find a safe place for us to live and work. I wanted to find community and health and a place of growth. I wanted to learn my value in the things I did as well as the things I was able to offer. I worked hard through tough times, new parenthood, and the constant navigating of my relationship. I managed to see that perseverance pays off here. I felt the feminine energy run through me as we explored the island even more. I felt the honor in having a family. I saw the love it takes to grow food from the ground up. I observed those around me in their own journies to motherhood and through growing a tribe. When I saw this and felt this, I knew I wanted to have a baby here, to experience the natural beauty of growing another person inside me while surrounded by plant medicines, sunshine, finally the ocean, and women who blow my mind with their own strength and beauty on the daily, as they walk their own paths. 

In February we became pregnant and kept it to ourselves for almost two months. We enjoyed knowing and giving one another a look, knowing the depth of change we are about to embark, as well as feeling the unity in our own little family though we were so far from any other family. Finally the time came to tell the farm crew so we could navigate what that meant for us. They were so delighted and supportive, it was almost surprising. We knew things on the farm change so quickly so we waited a while longer to even talk about where to give birth. We found a wonderful midwife in town; I knew right away she'd be the one because she was forthcoming, informative, and has the same passion in her "foul" language as I do, so I knew she'd be great to have at the birth. 

We waited for Kingston's second birthday before announcing. I think it was Mother's Day when we announced with a farm family picture. It only seemed fitting to celebrate on that day. Mothers and their strength is not something to take advantage of or to overlook. My own capabilities, as well as my mother's and grandmother's, aunts, friends, mother in law, sister in law, is so encouraging and comforting and powerful. The miracle of life is more and more precious to me as I continue down this path. Survival of early parenthood is a struggle, a blessing, a challenge, a lesson in reflection of my own goods and bads. It's something you can never be prepared enough for, nor should we be. 

The love and care needed from the very first second of existence is wonderfully present everywhere I look, living and working on this farm. From the soil on up, is the only way anything will not only survive, but flourish and thrive. From the foundation, to the sunlight, to the rain, to the patience and care it takes to get life going. But then I am reminded that stepping away, letting the keikis do their thing, trust in their own determination to survive on their own terms, is a big lesson I am learning.

As plants are being harvested and reborn, as cows are growing and birthing their own calves, as individual lives come here and start fresh, I am also growing, mentally, spiritually and physically.

My beautiful, fellow young mother friend, Liana, offered to take some maternity photos of me. She knows the land and has grown up on the islands, so I trusted her to make this mountain girl feel at home in my new tropical home. We managed time away from our boys for an early morning shoot on the property she lives on. The bamboo garden on the way to the waterfall is so mesmerizing and comforting. The clear cold waterfall is so refreshing and energizing, even through the sprinkling weather. I was able to channel the energy the land was offering me and managed a few good poses. Being on this island, where they treasure and admire a woman's nautural beauty and strength, it was easier for me to embrace my own feminine beauty. I also wanted to be straight forward in my appearance as I was about to embark on my 30th birthday. I want to remember this time in my life for the raw beauty, health and abundance that I have been given this last year.