I'm in the middle of (my nice way of saying balls deep in) toddler world. Two is so contradicting emotionally. Each day this boy blows my mind in all the good ways and the all the miserable ways. How do moms do it? I ask myself this question every day, with the conclusion that the moms on social media who have a career, or girls nights out, or even have makeup on MUST have nannies! It's the only way to manage toddlers, pregnancy, relationships, blogging, grocery shopping, errands, laundry... But for real. How do they do it? My mom told me when I was venting to her, "it's not a rewarding job, Mel, and you're never doing it right, you're surviving." Haha, thanks Mom for the realism. My best friend left me a voicemail (and this is why I love her) saying, "it's f*ing hard. Toddlers plus newborns are so hard. You'll cry everyday, the guilt, the yelling, the exhaustion. But one day, it'll change and things will switch, and you'll move into the next stage." And I'm telling my mom friend here, who has a two year old, "just wait, get theough two, then see if you want another." Haha. The honesty of these people keeps me going. Not the "perfect" lives of the moms on social media who have regular date nights, glistening hair, non-stained cute clothes, and cheery, happy looking toddlers all the time. Yeah RIGHT! I call bullshit on your make-believe lives.
ANYWAYS, Colorado was amazing. Amazingly hard, exhausting, trying. But amazingly fulfilling. Blake's mom called us one day and discussed the possibility of us coming home, so we could see our friends and family before this baby arrives and we really loose out on an easy(ier) trip back home. I cried when she brought this up as an opportunity for us. And these emotions (though deep in pregnancy) told me that I needed it. I needed to hug my parents, laugh with my friends, see King's cousins... to fill my cup with Colorado mountain sunsets and dry air. I was down right then to make the trip and sacrifice right when we really couldn't afford it, and should be thinking about midwife payments. Blake needed convincing. He's such a hard worker and knows that we need to show the farm and café we are dedicated to this life and being here. Eventually his mom and I agreed to just get him a ticket. And of course the people we work for were more then understanding. We do work hard to stay here, and they know we love it here, and our hearts are in the right place to be living on the farm and working for the café for a little bit of income. So to take time off for this opportunity was truly a no-brainer.
The time finally came to board the plane for our long overnight flight to the mainland. All the prepping and packing and scheduling I did (really, to just ease my anxieties) was put to the test. I still can't decide if my planning is all worth it or not, maybe I'll never know, but for now, it's what I do. We had bags and bags and bags of entertainment and comforts and snacks for King (and us.) I learned that overnight flights aren't for us, it was exhausting. King is so interested in the things going on around him and feeds into all the energy, so this just created for a really long night of entertaining a toddler. But eventually we made it! It felt so good to see my Mom and brother when they picked us up. We then went to Blake's parents house and rested. I love being up at their place because it's quiet and beautiful, but really it's because it's where I first became a mother. We had our Kingston in that house and spent the next year and a half there, learning, growing, working and planning our next life move. I love that King felt so comfortable there right from the beginning. He looked for Grandma and Grandpa all the time, just wanting to be with them. The quiet moments were so rewarding.
Two weeks isn't long enough, I have decided. I need like a month next time, to adjust to the travel, time change, things going on. But we managed to do most of the things we wanted, and saw so many people we wanted to. We stayed at my mom's new house with her new husband for a few nights. It was my first time meeting Micheal and I'm happy to see my mom happy and taken care of. They are establishing a new life together and being so far away, when I know she misses her oldest child (lol) it's good to see she is settled into this next phase of her life. We stayed with my Dad in Breckenridge for a night along with soaking up a few visits and good conversation and even have a night where we showed him and my siblings how to make homemade sushi and watched 'Moana.' We spent Blake and his brother's birthday in Keystone with friends. We celebrated both of our Mom's birthdays. I was able to visit with a few girlfriends who just had their first babies, and moms who are also moving on to baby number two. We were able to have a party for us and to celebrate new baby on the way. We spent much needed time with King's cousins (his favorite part of the trip.) We were able to visit with Blake's cousins as they drove through Colorado and stayed with Shawn and Mary. I went on an early morning solo hike which I'll never forget, as a baby deer walked along the path with me. We ate at the places we missed, and drove down streets full of memories. My cousin and aunt flew from Georgia to see us at my grandparent's house. My Nana treated us to club level at a Rockies game. Blake had time to visit with his grandma. We played with cousins at the park and friends at their houses. We did not see everyone we wanted to, but that just means we have a lot of people we love in Colorado. Next time... more time!
The grocery shopping solidified that we made the right choice to move to a place we could learn how to grow our own food. And we knew that was going to happen, which is a blessing. We knew we wanted to go home to be with everyone we miss and who've always supported our adventures. But we also knew going would help us be more thankful and grateful we made the move and constant sacrifices to live and work on a farm in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. We missed the farm food so much. Our bodies have adjusted to real, local, poison free, grown with love, highly nutritious foods. Going back to only grocery items broke our bank and our energy. When I came back to Hawaii seven months pregnant I was anemic. I knew I wasn't getting the vitamins and minerals I needed, even though we tried and we still ate clean, vegan, home cooked meals for the majority of the two weeks. So I needed to work harder to get back to a healthier state to end this pregnancy. But it was such a good learning experience on the value of nutrition, store bought or not. To actually see, in such a short amount of time, the lack of nutritiously dense foods available to the public was heartbreaking. We are so lucky to be where we are. And so sad it (or some version of it) isn't available, of course unless you're looking and willing. BUT we did enjoy the places we used to eat at like Duca's Pizza, Jun's Sushi, Chipotle and the Burrowing Owl. One of my oldest friends made us a delicious vegan meal when we went to visit her, which was so loving on her part. We both knew we'd have to make sacrifices and the food was the hardest part. But it's ok, we did our best and we learned and we ate and we moved on!
Grandma reading to King as he soaks his feet and grubs on a salad. The week before we left King caught Hand, Foot and Mouth and though it was a nightmare, he was not contagious the day before our flight! *whew*
Blurry but they had to be touching him in the car.
Coming back to Hawaii was such a trip. Man, it's a long trip with a toddler and fear-of-flying lover! We picked up some goodies for the guys on the farm and were welcomed back with so much love, it was wonderful to feel. Flying in this time we had friends and a home to go to. Last time we had NO IDEA what we were doing! So it was nice this time to be in a better spot, one we've worked for and found works for us. The time change coming back allowed me to get a better handle on King's "earlier bed times and more established naps. (He's dropping those naps but we are managing some quiet time during the middle of the day at least, and getting to bed at a decent time.)
Now we are just waiting for our addition to grace us with their wrinkly toes and newborn wisdom.
No trips planned right now.
But this just means you all need to come to the Big Island for a visit!!
Dream Big Ride Far
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